u n t i t l e d

Sometimes amidst all the chaos in life, you suddenly pause for a moment. All the things in front of you disappear, and you are thrown into a sphere where you wish time would go by at a much quicker pace and the Future would be here right now. You are at first fooled by the thoughts that the Future holds many things to look forward to. And then you try to think of one good thing which you can daydream about for the rest of the day, but the more you daydream, the more it becomes a nightmare. Then you try to plan your way around the nightmare, thinking you can avoid it. And maybe you can, but who knows? That’s what the Future holds. The knowledge of what happens next. Right up till the day you die. Then you try to comfort yourself by trying to think of another thing which might go smoothly for you in life. And the more you think, the scarier it all seems. And hope dissipates from you, maybe the Future really is nothing to look forward to. And you find that you’re stuck. And you’re thrown back into the Present. Stuck and not daring to dream anymore.

From observation, love is not easily found. There are 2 most common ways in which love develops between two individuals. The first is love at first sight, where they immediately have a strong attraction towards each other when they meet. This type of love is usually experienced by the younger generation. By younger generation, I mean those ranging from kindergarten to college. The second type of love is where you start loving someone after getting to know them quite well. The more serious of university students and working adults would know this type of love. They have already experienced all the ‘foolishness’ of love at first sight and are now determined to know their partners better before getting too serious. Well done to these people, you’re so fortunate. Take note that in both types of love, the individuals usually fall in love with each other at about the same time.  Take note too of the uses of the word ‘usually’ in this blog post.

However, there is also the category of unrequited love. Love at first sight and love after thinking masak-masak both come under this category too. Because there are those who fall in love with someone at first sight, but the other party does not feel the same way. And the same goes for those who think masak-masak. These are the people I feel for. For from observation, I found that if you start loving a person and that person doesn’t feel the same way about you anytime soon, or even have any ‘good feel’ towards you, you might as well just give up immediately. Because from observation, 90% of the time, they will never fall in love with you. From observation, it doesn’t matter how much time, effort, kindness, thoughtfulness, or whatever you sacrifice for that person, no matter how much they think "I should love you because you treat me so good", they will never really love you. They might keep you close, lean on you when they need you, giving you hope, but do not fall for that. They don’t really do it on purpose. It is human nature. But no matter what advise I give you about how not to fall for that, you will fall for it. This, too, is human nature. But don’t blame anyone if you get hurt. Because this is life. And this is love. Yeah, you always tell yourself the same thing, to have hope. I’m not saying that it is impossible for that person to love you one fine day, for it has happened before I’m sure, just that I haven’t experienced/seen anything like that happen ever before.

Also from observation, no matter how many times you tell yourself not to make the same mistake to fall in love again, you WILL make that mistake time and time again. Human nature.

Note: Do not let this blog post make you give up. But word of advise from me, just give up. LOL. Seriously. Don’t make that person hate you. Because that is what usually happens after you hang around for too long and the person starts to realise that it is impossible for them to love you.

Note #2: Sorry for being so pessimistic today folks. But yeah, this is what I truly believe in. =) All the best in love and life. Oh and sorry to all who are still waiting.

Only 10 more weeks till I will be back in Birmingham and starting my third year of Mech. Eng. Thinking of what I have to face in 10 weeks’ time scares me. There are things which I look forward to back in Birmingham, but there are also many things here which I would miss. Thinking of what I have to face through the winter and the lonely times that just come and go scares me more. Thinking about what I have to face when I graduate scares me even more. I tried imagining myself when I graduate. Should have known better than to do that. Haha. I’m feeling scared already just thinking about thinking about it now.

One thing which I have learnt since going to Birmingham is patience. I learnt to take things one day at a time. And believe me, it sounds much easier than it really is. There are just so many things which I can ponder on and worry myself about, but then what use is it worrying about things which you can do nothing about? I have started to believe that if we let time take its course, everything will work out fine. I will worry when the time comes. And I will cry out of loneliness when I feel lonely over there. I will cry tears of sadness only at the moment where I have to say goodbye to my family and friends here. Not now. It isn’t time yet. Now, the only thing I can do is to enjoy the present. The laughter which I will miss in the future is here right now. And I shall enjoy the laughter now instead of worrying about the future. 

p/s: nothing scares me more right now than relationships and MARRIAGE. scared until don’t even dare to write anything about it. they just freak me out!!